What is this thing called PMS?

PreMenstrual Syndrome

According to my little Google search, PMS stands for “PreMenstrual Syndrome – it’s the combination of symptoms that some women suffer from a week or so before their period. Symptoms appear before your period starts (as many as five days) and will disappear during your period.” Really lovely definition I say in a mocking British accent , but do you truly know what these “symptoms” are all about?

Every month this creature arrives and takes control of my very being. I know there are millions of women out there who share my sentiments and that’s why I felt the need to share my thoughts with the male species. They call her “Aunty” (more like Evil Aunty), or The Red Ferrari and a million other things but no man can EVER know what a woman goes through during this time. Yes, of course, there’s the exception of those few really special ladies who don’t feel a thing, but I believe the general female population are with me on this one.
Now, there are obvious physical symptoms which most of us are very familiar with but this isn’t the bit that I want to talk about. It’s the hormone bit. The one that our male species have difficulty with. Although we are already complex creatures, PMS takes our level of “complex” to new heights. We move from totally loveable and happy ,to dark and dangerous before you can say “Spiderman Help Me.”One minute you’re in laughing about some joke that he told you and the next minute you hear yourself asking: ” What’s so funny? Are you laughing at me??” He, is totally confused because he, thought you were sharing a funny moment.
Yes, you men are all smiling now and nodding your heads and saying: “Ja, why do you women do that?” Truth be told, we DON’T know. We can tell you a million times to stay out of our way because we have PMS but we don’t know what we’re capable of doing. The hormones are almost in total control, I would imagine it’s like having your body taken over by an alien. This is the point where its safer for men just to steer clear because no matter how good your intentions, we WILL find something wrong with your last comment.
I heard my sons talk about a female teacher recently and complained that she was so grumpy, she appeared to be “on her period all the time “. I feel really sorry for PMSing teachers in boys-only schools. Not because boys together can be ruthless, but because teachers aren’t allowed to slap the little shits. I can only imagine that girls-only schools are a thousand times worse especially since it’s a fact that women who share the same space daily like work colleagues or class mates, go into their cycle at about the same time. Multiple murders then I guess.
A little while ago I read a book called The Red Tent . It takes one on a journey into the desert during biblical times and shows us how even back then, women were kept separate from their male counterparts during their menstrual time. They were in a state of impurity or fragility and were exempt from performing certain domestic functions. I don’t however believe that this was the only reason they were kept separate. Back then men didn’t have tons of encyclopedias about PMS. They followed their gut and so I believe that their gut told them to steer clear of women in that state.
I remember always telling friends that even I feared myself during my menstrual cycle. If there was ever a time that I would commit a murder it would be during that time. Only to wake up a week later all teary wondering what demon had possessed my body this time. You ladies out there KNOW what I’m talking about and as many times as we tell ourselves that we will be more mindful next month round, it’s just out of our control.
Shane’s solution to this all is a “PREMENSTRUAL Goody bag” which he would be happy to put together for us ladies and I would naturally do the marketing. He suggests that this little bag contains things like chocolate, sweets and other nibbles which I thought was a novel idea. Sadly, Shane, I think you’re missing the important bit. I think you should include a sedative of some sort (stronger than chocolate that is, and preferably one that comes in a box from some Pharmacy) a bottle of something stronger than Coke and a Romcom.

So ladies, You are not Alone, said Michael Jackson and I believed him! 